It's monologue

Never have I thought I am rebellious until these years, but I think the seed of having felt rebellious was always deep in my mind.

The first time I feel my beloved country suffocated me was when I just came back from a long way 7-day trip. I didn't understand why I had such a strong emotion, which made me even cry a bit before I was coming back. It was utterly strange. It wasn't like I was going back home, but more like I was leaving my own country. I didn't really figure out why it affected me so much, not until more recently, the second time I was saying goodbye to the country where I thought I should have stayed for a while but not. I was literally getting to understand why I felt reluctant and unreal to leave a place in which I am not belong to. It's all about culture, custom, freedom, and spirit. Duration isn't the matter. Whatever it is 7 days, a year or two, something deep down I can sense all these year. I need my own life, I need freedom. 

Our culture is so complicated that you have to be careful about many little things in your life. I can't politely say no when the elderly hand me any food (drinks, fruits...etc) even thought you may turn it down, but that could have already made them feel unhappy and disrespectful. I have little rights to speak for myslef and little choices I can make on my own. I am not a whole independent individaul. Parents, grandparents, elder relatives, non-relative elders, they can all say a thing or two to you. My opinion is nothing but a childish yet no weight in front of them, which is totally different from what I've been experienced from the other side of the world. Guess the whole culture is the main contribution to why many Asian young people are so irresponsible and dependent compared to the Western. 

The elderly treat me like I am still a teeanger. There is no way to change that, even protesting does little help. I don't understand. I was very much annoyed. I am absolutely a grown-up. I know if I need to use the restroom or not, I know if I am hungry or not. But parents think they know better than you do. They decide whether you need to use the restroom, and you should have no excuses when they want you to eat something. I was almost irritated. They still treat me like I am a child, pushing me to follow their order! Bloody hell!! It's not just irritating but also very embarrassing to treat me like that in public! I am a functional legally person. Telling them how improper and odd to treat me like that doesn't solve a thing in the end. They won't really listen to me as they think my protest deserve no concers at all.

That's the reaction to help my rebellion grow stronger and stronger deep down. Then, I know I can't stay in this place too long. I feel pressure and restriction from all directions. It's hard to just be your own in such an environment. Well, people may say just be yourself and leave others thoughts alone. Yes, that's what I do all the time. But, sooner or later, you will find out you are a freak in others' eyes and people start talking on your back. It's either you become a nerd or you compromise to the situation. For me, I felt the suffocation from the day I was aware of my existance in my childhood, the feeing drives me insane and rebellious as I grew up. I know I found it's extremely difficult to compromise to a culture like this, and more and more difficult year after year. How funny and ironic it is, this is my birth place, this should be the dearest and the most familiar place to me, which I feel like hard to adjust to once more.

However, it might be because I know people's thoughts and our culture too much, thus I know what they expect and how they feel about while I am not following all the traditional rules in my country. I even know how and when they decietfully deny the charge, demonstrating you are wrong about them, but truly they are thinking traditionally while they give their opinions again.

No point and use to raise another argument on that as far as I know.