It's monologue

If normal rules can't define you this person,
would you adjust yourself to match the major group, or, 
ignore monoton rules and embrace your unique?


I can't get it why people usually like to follow trends blindly,
and consider that's the life we want to get?
Try to be someone else we may admire to by losing our speciality.
I've read an article which describe this phenomenon is so-called "de-individualize" (I'm not quite sure ...)
Besides, people like to incline to the person that population regards 
him/her as an idol or someone important in a small circle.
Adulating, adoring, rendering yourself to become this guy's irreplaceable friend in his/her life, but,
is that true? Or you just over expand yourself existence? 
You try very hard in order to catch one's permission and attention....
What else? 
Assuming you've in a group but you can't attain corresponding treatment by other people,
you might be the least member in this group already . 
What a pity thing..... but the worst of it is you unaware to know it.
The funny part is there are so many "little groups" in our real life truly, 
and maybe you're just joining part of them!

So, if these so-called "core groups" don't think you as one of them, do we need feeling bad or sad?
I believe the answer is definitely not.......  who says we should take their value as ours? 
That's nonsense and almost an illusion we made by our own for so long...
I don't mean we should segregate ourselves from friends or family... but just be your own...
enjoy your personal style... never mind if you can't get the attention from the population....
The big doesn't mean the important. 
Cherish your friends around, they are the people you really need to care about ....
If you don't have any by this time, being alone doesn't mean anything but a process that anyone could experience...
Moreover, human are actually alone when the time you come and leave the wolrd, aren't we?

I see so many people afraid of being lost in a group, terrifying can't find anywhere to belong,
feeling unsecurity as if a drowned person try to grab the last straw in the sea.
Once I said to my close friend, I'm lonely here...., and I do everything alone almost.
(notice.... alone and lonely shouldn't be taken as the same meaning)
we tried to discuss the feeling of when the time we were lonliness to see is there any differences between us, 
we're independent kind,
why we had the unberalbe emotion though
 (though I prefer the word "solitude" haha..., if I insist to express my present days)
After all, we found... I... between we two... 
I should not call the emotion as lonliness.... it should be called "boredom" :p  haha....
They concluded I don't fear solitude...  to be frank, they think...
I maybe even favor to be solitude somehow... but boredom can suppress me if any....
Okay~~ maybe there are right....
but I need to talk to..... >0<   


ps: i want to record sth happened to me lately, but it's too winded to express in a short time,
things can't be generalize easily, hard to find where to start as well...
last, is it a good way to write it down ?  XD ha...