It's monologue

2/24

Hardly believe it's the second time to catch a cold in this year. I thought it was worse enough when I was sick last time, I was wrong apparently. Because I had no big problem with sleeping even though the occasional fever at night. But this time, although the symptoms are less than the last flu symptoms, the severity of certain symptoms can really make you so much painful in another way. I, suffered from most of the nasal problems particularly this time, which drained down my energy and mood together. It has been many years that I have such an awful sickness. 

The fever came first and interrupted my sleeping with its high temperature at night. I woke up several times in the midnight, half dreaming and half awaking, frustratingly known I had fever over the night until the next morning. Fever kept me so awake. The next day, the nasal pressure and runny nose came to replace the annoyance of fever. Even though I took a pill before I went sleep. The efforts of blowing out nasal congestion resulted of waking up about once every hour! Another night without a nice sleep while being sick again. Then, nasal pain and headache worsen my situation in the next day. Unfortunately, I've used up all my quota of absentee. No more excuses for not going to the class. I wasn't able to focus on the class, feeling grumpy and lukewarm. That night was similar to the previous one. I was too busy between sneezing and coughing out the congestion after 3:30 in the midnight. And that really frustrated me and kept me awake for a long while until almost 5 or 6am in the morning then I could finally rest a bit again. The worst thing when you are sick is you cannot have a good night sleep to get the rest you should have. All the sufferings are from one single cause, the nose. The damn nasal pressure + congestion tortured me almost a week nonstop. 

Now, my nasal problem seems under control a little bit after I used up 2 big rolls of bath tissue. But my throat took over the situation. Coughing with irritating feeling in additioin to the runny nose thought better than few days ago. I really hope all these madness can stop as soon as possible. Losing appetite is not what I worry about but the irritatbility, tiredness and being unfocused are something depressed me more. 

Oh, I didn't have a cup of coffee almost for a week due to my sickness. So miss it ~'~ 

2/14

Someone has destroyed my completeness wholly. No explanation, no pardon, no conversation.

Thanks for bringing me so much harsh memories, painful recovery with helpless tears, untrust with lukewarm thoughts and feels towards anyone, and empty days and nights traumatizing sanity without sympathy or guilt.  

Yet, I don't need your agreement on zeroing up everything because you did so already.  

2/13

Gradually, I interestingly found out my pronunciation tendency tends to be british accent when it comes to certain words, or words I don't know how to pronounce at first time. Though I do like british accent, but I never tried to imitate the accent or know how to speak like British people. Until a few times I noticed several words I speak are the way in british pronunciation, which reminds me that somebody has told me that I have a mixed accent sometimes few years back. Although it doesn't bother the understanding in conversation, the inconsistency may make others feel a bit strange.

So now, I really realize I do have the tendency to pronounce words not in American way. This new discovery just made me feel so funny because I totally have no idea where I got the inclination to speak like that, and how come I subconsciouslly did that? I mean, to me, it's the nature way to pronounce those words. I don't even know thay are not American English at all. Just feel like this is unbelievably funny to me. 

2/9

Then, I realized one thing.

I am not searching a place to stay happyily and comfortably for my body, I am seeking a place where has a sense of belonging for my soul.