It's monologue

9/26-10/1 (Tue-Sun)

我不在DC  我在維多利亞島喝下午茶 溫哥華看海景 西雅圖喝咖啡

我想享受一個人 但是一個人的安全感就不只是指建立在自信上面

I was off DC, I was in Victoria island, BC drinking my afternoon tea, watching the sea view from Vancouver, sipping the coffee at Seattle.

I want to enjoy traveling alone, but it's difficult to be done because the safety considertaion.  

The feeling of individual securities is not merely built upon self-confidence.

It seems as a female, being capable of traveling alone is somewhat the image of independence, self-awareness, and confidence to be herself. 

However, does that really mean so? To me, it is undeniable that traveling alone reflects you're able to be with yourself most of the time, which indeed is a presentation of independence and confidence. 

Nevertheless, I feel there's still a loneliness and a need of something when being by myself. But, that feeling could also occur when there is someone aside of me. Maybe the company isn't just right at that moment. 

I wish you were here, next to me. 

9/21(Fri)

Sitting at Starbucks in a leisure afternoon with my kindle book. Light music, nice espresso coffee mingle with a bit buzz. It's really a nice afternoon.

Sometimes, I wish the piece of quietness could stay forever, you want to just freeze the moment. Hence, I realize, I am pursing a kind of life style. Not something ambitiously substantial, but an attitude, a manner.


 

9/17 (Mon)

"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” 

--Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth Bennet, from Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

Sep 14 (Sat)

 A laid-back Saturday afternoon, after a good meal with good friends. 

Then, playing with the beautiful flowers and trying to get them a good look in the container in a nice and quiet evening.

Sep 14 (Fri)

A week of the new start passed already.

Feel kind of new and fresh, yet still a bit reserved about the road ahead of me.

Not sure how long I can continue this after this transition state...

Classes are fine though the topics are a bit boring to me sometimes.

I am not a fan of politics back in my hometown, not to mention some other countires.

It is ok to give the hitorical and political backgound a touch, but with too much events, years and names...etc, it has been gone too far to me. 

The only fun question I remember from the class, which the teacher said he was asked by his teacher back in Yale.

Q: "What's the difference between a diplomat and a lady?"

A: " If a diplomat says 'yes', it means 'maybe'. If a diplomat says 'maybe', it means 'no'. If a diplomat says 'no', then he/she is not a diplomat.

If a lady says 'no', she means 'maybe'. If a lady says 'maybe', she means 'yes'. If a lady says 'yes', then she's no lady at all'.

And that was the funny question and answer I heard over this week :) 

Sep 4 (Tue)

連續夢到好幾晚的旅遊 奇怪的夢境 老朋友

不切實際的故事和內容  誰是誰 什麼是什麼醒來後都快不記得

只記得那個荒謬的念頭不斷地纏繞在夢境之中連續了幾個晚上

Do I really that desperately need a voyage? Even my dreams can't lock the bottommost part safely at nights?

Sometimes, I really enjoy the situation that nobody could find where I am at.

Keeping myself low profile. Living another kind of life. 

Life has to change head over heels at times. 

As this noon I woke up, I thought of you.

I thought of how bad you treated me all the time. 

Imagine I was like nobody in your life, even in the past.

Imagine how you enjoy your life as usual while the blood is drizzling out of some invisibly permeable holes throughout the weaken heart. Self-devastating. 

The last hell cycle replays repeatedly if the memory sneaks coming back piece by piece. 

I thought of you. I thought of how you would have justified your thoughts and behaviors to show you're the right one. 

I thought of how you would have told me how childish my attitude was as if I lack of insights to see through the future and to keep myself in peace. 

The times have been wiped out because none of them is worthy to stay, so are you. 

You thought you know how to cherish the life and friends and live in the moment. As a matter of fact, you're nothing but a pathetic selfish player who thinks himself smart and having all the sense in the world, which you've told me I am like wasting all the time on the matter of craps.

Today is moody.