It's monologue

July 30th (Mon)

 這是之前回應好友所寫的

我想我更是想對自己說，不斷的警惕自己曾經做過的蠢事，當夠久的傻子，於是又把這話貼回來給我自己。

因為男人是說謊膽小的動物 真正敢勇於面對自己感情的男性不會放任自己對喜歡的人「愛口說無憑，不愛卻要有言為證」。 
因為不願意承認自己心意不夠真誠，所以「愛」只能用口說，做不到言行合一。說了好幾次的我愛你，都比不上用行動來打動你的心。女孩子再傻再天真，只要不到感情真的沖昏了頭，他的行為是否真的像他說的那樣愛你，其實都一目了然。放任自己不願意面對，只是因為自己捨不得放手，太過於喜愛對方而已。

因為自以為是的拿不願意傷害對方的懦弱心理為藉口，所以「不愛」不敢說出口。怕就這樣失去了另一個紅粉知己，另一個溫柔鄉。是在面對一個比他更願意拿的起放的下的女性面前，自私欺騙的表現。因為他不敢說出口他心底真正的想法。他怕說了一切就回不去了，卻殊不知越是不肯說出口，就越只顯得他自己只是個爛人而已，和會不會傷害到女孩心理一點關係都沒有。因為說與不說都已經會傷害到對方，差別的地方在於願不願意承認自己是拿翹對方的混蛋和遊走感情遊戲邊緣的道德騙子而已。

我一直認為，一個夠喜歡你的人，是不會讓你心碎的。只要不是天災不可抗拒的意外。 

July 23th (Mon)

This is a month I allow myself trying to get my mood back while getting some rest. Too much sorrowness and too much tears from the last-half year, which I really feel like very tired with. Then, I start doubting myself and doubting this world: it seems, even you tried very hard to reach your goals and the thing you want, however the more you try, the less you can gain at the end. 

When I found myslef still standing at the start point, I can't help but wonder what all these mean? What am I fighting for? After all these efforts (or mess), what did I learn and gain eventually? We're used to the concept that once you put some input in a matter, you expect something positive feedback as a result afterward. Therefore, it makes what you tried in vain when you get nothing after all although people will comfort you that you still learn an experience from the past. Nevertheless, in this capitalistic world, we tend to emphasize on the outcome much more than the process. People don't care how you get to the end. What all they will be looking at is the end, the outcome, not how hard you've tried. Work is like this, so is love life. 

Then, we begin to wonder, does that really mean success if you only look at the result? Maybe it is some sort of true. We all have to complete something at the end of day to prove our values, more or less, because this is how the society works. On the other hand, we also occasionally envy people who have variety experiences in their lifetime because they used their live efficiently and worthily. Life seems so colourful when you listen to their stories. Ironic. 

Life would be so boring if there's only one direction you can move forward. We deserve something better when you know what you can do and who you are. And you know, life should be wasted on beautiful things, as always. 

July 11th (Wed)

Loneliness is nothing, but boredom is unbearable.